National State of Alert:
(as of 3-8-04)

Personal State of Alert:
(as of 3-8-04)

Reason for Personal State of Alert:
- So this is post-college life? Really? *shivers*

- The Passion of Christ featured a deleted scene where Christ called me out and told me "You're next"

Featured Links:
Diaryland.com
OnlineOnslaught.com
MSNBC.com
QuietAmerican.org
MoneyCentral.msn.com
Tremble.com
Weezer.com
Fool.com
GirlsArePretty.com

joelthecat.diaryland.com

Anarchy in my Pants
2002-03-05 - 1:15 p.m.

Hi. Did I miss anything?

I'm feeling lack of desire to do this posting thing right now. Why? I dunno!

I'm feeling very anarchist or something right now. Well... maybe not anarchist... but... I'm feeling the desire to take the "evil" side of the coin. Like... I want to be anti-gay right now... even though I'm a homo. Now that's some freaky shit. I dunno exactly what it is.

I feel like being a bitch for the sake of being a bitch. I think it's a personal independence thing. Eddie went home for a couple of days. I've got the house to myself- which of course means running around the house naked and generally doing things you can't do otherwise. Last night, I had another retarded moment night with Jesse over as I dove off my couch, through a wooden clothes dryer thing (you know, the kind with sticks that you stick your clothes on so they dry... very 1900's pre-dryers). I had made this ridiculous set up including that, and like, 7 chairs, all leading to my living room where Jesse was seated, and I was planning some kind of ridiculous "hurt myself" stunt. Jesse then wanted to turn it into a photo opportunity, and snapped pictures with my polaroid i-Cam while encouraging me to do really scary risky stuff, like flips or moonsaults. Sanity *sort of* won out, and I only elbow drop crashed through the set up, breaking the wood thing pretty dern good, and landing relatively safely on the cushions and stuff I set out. Post dive, however, I decided to attack Jesse with some cardboard boxes and stuff I had... and I threw out my back hitting him with a box that had packing peanuts. Sure, the visual of the peanuts flying everywhere was cool... but it really wasn't worth the injury or mess. My house looks like a war has gone on in it... granted, a really stupid war... and my back hurts. If you could see me now.

Hmm. Big news, too. I have a boy from Mississippi coming to see me in a week!

Okay, he's not just "a boy," his name's Andy. I think he's the primary reason I've avoided this journal and Diaryland.

He and I have had a "net relationship" of sorts, that I never really put any terms on, and that we have, until pretty super recently, haven't really made anything resembling "official," and that I've just kinda let grow and do what it was going to do without putting any terms on it. Since Diaryland is all about me putting precise terms to everything, and spilling my guts, and making me think about what I've been doing lately, and how I'm growing or ruining my life... I've been avoiding it. Part of it's inertia... where since I kinda stopped, I found it hard to just start back up again, but part of it was my relationship thing with him.

I like him a lot, and our relationship is very different than my last net relationship- although that doesn't necessarily make it better or worse.

Damien and I, for our age, had a very mature and thought out approach to everything... and though there was definitely passion involved, and though we definitely hit on each other, it came along with a lot of heartfelt discussions and understanding of each other. I think it was more of a "growing" thing in general.

This thing with Andy isn't like that at all. It's like two cats at play. (His screen name *is* based on a popular cat food). We play fight a lot, and when we're not play fighting, we're usually being pretty darn dirty. He's been totally different than anyone I've been with or considered, and I kinda like that. It's fun to say "Screw stability," sometimes.

So yeah, that's another thing. Andy doesn't know about the diary. I don't know if I want to tell him about the diary. And I don't want him to stumble upon it one day and think I've been talking lots and lots of stuff about him behind his back. So I've just sorta been avoiding the diary instead, altogether. Confessions I have to make, tales of club escapades, and random escapades at home have kinda gone by the wayside. I haven't found myself really putting my "deep thoughts" to print- (deep thoughts, ha!), and I haven't really felt the want to think things through as much. I've said it along time ago, but again... it's like I'm losing some kinda part of me; only this time, I don't really miss it, and I don't really care.

So I'm enjoying myself for the time being. I'm being a big proponent of my own personal rights, as opposed to having this "greater good" cause or goal- and though I think I'll make sure to keep myself in check as far as not doing anything overly mean or harmful to others- right now, it's all about me, me, me. Mu haha ha.

"It happened, I'm feeling glad, I got sunshine, in a bag, I'm useless, but not for long, the future is comin' on" -Gorillaz

Reason for Terror # 82:

Using phrase "da bomb" unwittingly in phone tapped conversations could lead to arrest and beatings by the FBI, local authorities, and hip police.

Reason for Terror # 81:

There was a little bit of mold on that bread you had this morning.

Reason for Terror # 80:

When evening falls, you can try to drive away; but the moon will be following... always following...