National State of Alert:
(as of 3-8-04)

Personal State of Alert:
(as of 3-8-04)

Reason for Personal State of Alert:
- So this is post-college life? Really? *shivers*

- The Passion of Christ featured a deleted scene where Christ called me out and told me "You're next"

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QuietAmerican.org
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Tremble.com
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joelthecat.diaryland.com

The Proper Way to Grieve
2001-09-14 - 1:04 p.m.

I do not appreciate the pressure and things I've heard telling me or people what is an appropriate way to grieve or react in the face of the events of Tuesday.

I've been in a weirder state than usual since posting yesterday. I've heard people angry at other people for trying to bring themselves closer to the accident scene, to make it seem like it effected them more than it did others. I've had pressure from a friend talking about lighting a candle today at 7 pm as a national remembrance thing, which he heard about through e-mail. And I had the notion that perhaps at Savannah Pride tomorrow, Lambda, my school's gay group, should sell American flags or general American merchandise, in light of gay pride stuff, and donate a portion of the proceeds to appropriate charities, and keep a portion for the group, only to have the idea shot down as disrespectful, and only appropriate if the proceeds were entirely donated.

After those events in sequence, after yesterday's post, I decided not to talk about what happened. I wanted some time to myself, to think. But it wasn't to be, cuz right after I wrote, Jesse rang my doorbell. We hadn't really hung out since he'd gone, so we played video games, and watched WWF Smackdown, which was a special tribute episode with no real storyline advancements, dedicated to carrying on with our lives, and paying respect to those lost.

I *know* Jesse wanted to find humor in the events, to make light of an out of place statement, or facial expression, or something, but I think my silence kept him from doing so. Humor in the light of tragedy is a natural human response, so I wouldn't have jumped all over him. But it's hard to do the "appropriate" thing when appropriate is such a sketchy thing, so I think I'm going to indulge myself and listen to myself so far as paying respect, and reacting, rather than letting others shape my mind like I did yesterday.

"In this world, it's hard to find, within yourself some peace of mind. I'm looking for something I, I... within myself, some peace of mind" -Imani Coppola

Okay.

I am at work right now posting, and I just got a call from a lady who just confused me, and obviously is taking things as or more fucked up than I. She was like "I heard a rumor that SCAD had some Saudi students who went home after the incident, and I wanted to check to see if it was true or not... they told me I should call the FBI if it is, but it's just a rumor, and I wasn't sure if it was true; I heard it at my hairdresser's, and I thought you should know that, and shouldn't... yes, so I think you should do something about it. Bye!"

Apparently some people are more fucked up than I.

I don't think there is an appropriate way to react. While respect for the missing or dead is something that any decent human being should have, I think we should have the right to react on a personal level as we see fit, within the confines of the law, and within reason. I wouldn't condone a racist attitude towards Arabs or people from the Middle East, but I think as long as you're thinking rationally, how you choose to grieve is up to you. I don't think it's disturbing or inappropriate if you think in terms of "wow, I almost went to NY" or "wow, I used to live there" or "my friend's friend..."

And on a further matter of "appropriateness," three of my employee's left at noon, and posted "church" on the in/out board. I don't know if they actually went to church, they might've, or they might not have, as they just returned with a big box of pizza from down the block.

Agh.

"Unplug the phone, sleep alone, stay way the hell outta sight" -Rufus Wainwright

Tomorrow is Savannah Pride, I'm thinking that'll change today's attitude.

Reason for Terror # 82:

Using phrase "da bomb" unwittingly in phone tapped conversations could lead to arrest and beatings by the FBI, local authorities, and hip police.

Reason for Terror # 81:

There was a little bit of mold on that bread you had this morning.

Reason for Terror # 80:

When evening falls, you can try to drive away; but the moon will be following... always following...