National State of Alert:
(as of 3-8-04)

Personal State of Alert:
(as of 3-8-04)

Reason for Personal State of Alert:
- So this is post-college life? Really? *shivers*

- The Passion of Christ featured a deleted scene where Christ called me out and told me "You're next"

Featured Links:
Diaryland.com
OnlineOnslaught.com
MSNBC.com
QuietAmerican.org
MoneyCentral.msn.com
Tremble.com
Weezer.com
Fool.com
GirlsArePretty.com

joelthecat.diaryland.com

Love Spite Love
2001-11-13 - 10:35 p.m.

"When it comes down to reality, and it's fine with me cuz I let it slide... don't care if it's Chinatown or on Riverside... I don't have any reasons, I left them all behind- I'm in a New York state of mind" -Billy Joel

I wanna go back! I think I will. I walked into Mellow Mushroom (a pizza place), yesterday and I saw the news reports of yet ANOTHER plane down in New York... I was scared, and just hurt, once again. I fought tears, and didn't fight tears a few times, again... augh. My heart goes out to all those lost- and yeah, it's an accident, more than likely, and not some malicious doing, but it doesn't make it any less sad or tragic.

Actually, my thoughts turned to anger more than once... kinda like "Fuck you Mike..." My best gay friend here, Mike, had been giving me shit about having these bad dreams, and how I let them fuck with my emotions... and though he didn't outright say that "I had read your journal, and you're stupid for being freaked out," he did mock me one night, repeatedly, about how "dreams are real, Charles! If you think stuff, they're going to happen! You're going to die Charles!" That kinda stuff...

Then this goes and happens... yes, it was random and out of the blue, and not related to terror, but a neighborhood in New York City had a plane just fall on it.

I am *NOT* saying I'm a prophet, and that my dream predicted this, and that because I dreamed it, it became true. I'm saying I have the right to occasionally question why the hell random shit like this happens, and just question my viewpoint on everything in general, without having to feel stupid about it. I especially have the right to do so in here, which is MY space to rant and ramble as I please, and not have it used against me. That's just wrong.

Uhm, enough 'bout that, I guess. I'm not bitter!

Oooh, speaking of bitterness- my last post came off kinda harsh towards Matt, and I knew I shouldn't have done that. Turns out that he was maybe kinda interested, he's just not good at expressing it in person or something. So yeah, that means that I'd kind of have to be the decisive one again. I'm starting to understand and grow into that role... I think that's why I want to be a top... I know the two don't necessarily have to go hand in hand... but I like being the one in control.

Yes, it'll be GREAT one day if I find someone equally decisive and not afraid to make decisions even if they're wrong, and to find someone self-assured. However, if no one wants to step up, I will. Rock the self-confidence!

Umm, so yeah... I'd just like to publically apologize if I came off bitter against Matt or mean or whatever... I'm trying to understand him, he's just different than most of my friends in some way... I don't know yet if this is a good or bad thing, I am intrigued though.

Then- there was this dude who was at my main school building today too. I went up to the third floor to use the light table, and he was sitting there working on something, when I struck up conversation due to his kinda loud "Ellen DeGeneres" shirt. We discussed Ellen and how she gets a lot of unjustly due crap... I mentioned how I liked her at the Emmy's... and then he showed me the comic he was drawing, which was kinda weird, but very amusing in it's own special way. We did a mini-bond thing... I took a cue from a friend Mike Walker, and introduced myself formally.

"Hi, I'm Charles, by the way" :: offers handshake ::

"Oh, hi, I'm Jack" :: doesn't notice hand extended til like 15 seconds later, then shakes hand ::

Rock! It's one of those things. I assume he's gay... I don't know... he was kinda cute, though he looked like he was stressed... I know I'm attractive enough, but definitely was looking stressed as I really wasn't trying for presentation points today... and if something comes good out of this, great, and if not- hey- I tried. It was nice. I think I'll be dwelling on it for awhile, til this becomes second nature.

"You give no guarantees, there's no promise I can't keep... I can't stand, I can't see my way, I feel blind... on my feet, I can't stay too long" -Love Spit Love

Reason for Terror # 82:

Using phrase "da bomb" unwittingly in phone tapped conversations could lead to arrest and beatings by the FBI, local authorities, and hip police.

Reason for Terror # 81:

There was a little bit of mold on that bread you had this morning.

Reason for Terror # 80:

When evening falls, you can try to drive away; but the moon will be following... always following...